I have this very clear scar on my right hand. I just looked at it again and remembered how I got it.
My wicked elder brother Paul has always been mischievous right from the womb. He was about 6 or 7years of age when he gave me this scar with a hot iron. My aunt gave him the iron to go keep somewhere, and he cornered me and washed my head till I brought it out 'voluntarily' (not with clear eyes obviously ๐๐๐), then he ironed my hands with it ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ข. Wicked brother I have. This explains why I hate irons and ironing till date, it's my brother's fault ๐๐.
So I'm calling you out, chuks, to avoid me! You and anything that looks like Iron!
I'm sure he also has scars from the beating he recieved that day from mum ๐๐๐๐.
Saturday, March 2, 2019
Lord แปf Keys
My dad is obsessed with keys. Like every minute of everyday, he's with a bunch of keys, or bunches even. His pockets are always filled with keys, his car, in this house. Always carrying keys and asking for them back when you collect any from him ๐๐๐. Sometimes gets annoying when you are looking for your key and can't find it. Be rest assured he took it. If he sees any key lying about, he takes them and makes them his.
Any key you are looking for in this world, please come and ask my dad. He's with it.
Recently I've been asking for keys anyhow, like every minute unconsciously even. And my kid sister noticed it and told me one painful thing just this afternoon, that I'm my father's daughter ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ.
So I'm now Lord of the keys as well? ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
Any key you are looking for in this world, please come and ask my dad. He's with it.
Recently I've been asking for keys anyhow, like every minute unconsciously even. And my kid sister noticed it and told me one painful thing just this afternoon, that I'm my father's daughter ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ.
So I'm now Lord of the keys as well? ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
Lagos Lastma
When I got to Lagos newly in 2015, my sister gave me the basic rules of staying or moving around town, but forgot to tell me about the 'bridge rule '๐๐๐. The one that states that you must climb the bridge, whether it's far from you or not. That was how this wucked uniformed men arrested me and put me in their van at oshodi-under-bridge. Started telling me I will have to pay a certain amount to be released, I was shocked. I argued I was new in town and didn't even know a law like that existed, and they said 'ignorance is not an excuse'. Like seriously?๐♀️..
I was angry eh, and I was supposed to meet a friend there at the time. I just relax for car, sun too much sef and my friends was still far so free shade ๐๐๐. The ladies were kept at the front seat of the van, while the guys were bundled to the back, and they made it sound like we were supposed to be grateful for being kept in special corner ๐๐, make I hear. I watched as they 'hustled' for their unfortunate customers as if this was business. It was business to them I guess. Some of them didn't wear uniforms too that's why it was easy for them to get their targets. When one came to drag me, I even thought he was a broad daylight thief sef and was already opening my eyes and shouting he should leave me alone. Asheee na to carry me go van.๐๐
So my friend came around and started to call me. I told him I was in the van at the bridge, can't remember their names again sef.
No be lastma abi? ๐ค ๐ค
He came and just met one of them, negotiated like it was a normal thing and paid before they let me go. I was still running my mouth and asking him why he paid. I thought it was against the law or something, and he explained that it was against the law to cross the road when there's a bridge there in Lagos. Hian. I didn't get the memo na ๐.
Now my kid sis just had the same experience and was 'cheated' out of her little cash. She's new too and no one gave her the heads up about this. It's paining me๐๐ฃ.
Is this right? Abi it has become a norm and everybody is now cool with it and letting these guys extort someone unnecessarily. Nobody feels the need to challenge this act?
Please I need to know if this is part of the law or something. There should be banners or something at strategic points around these bridges, to tell new comers or unsuspecting victims about what to do when in Lagos, and then more like a first time warning of sorts. Without having to extort money from them.
Me I feel this is extortion though, I may be wrong.
I was angry eh, and I was supposed to meet a friend there at the time. I just relax for car, sun too much sef and my friends was still far so free shade ๐๐๐. The ladies were kept at the front seat of the van, while the guys were bundled to the back, and they made it sound like we were supposed to be grateful for being kept in special corner ๐๐, make I hear. I watched as they 'hustled' for their unfortunate customers as if this was business. It was business to them I guess. Some of them didn't wear uniforms too that's why it was easy for them to get their targets. When one came to drag me, I even thought he was a broad daylight thief sef and was already opening my eyes and shouting he should leave me alone. Asheee na to carry me go van.๐๐
So my friend came around and started to call me. I told him I was in the van at the bridge, can't remember their names again sef.
No be lastma abi? ๐ค ๐ค
He came and just met one of them, negotiated like it was a normal thing and paid before they let me go. I was still running my mouth and asking him why he paid. I thought it was against the law or something, and he explained that it was against the law to cross the road when there's a bridge there in Lagos. Hian. I didn't get the memo na ๐.
Now my kid sis just had the same experience and was 'cheated' out of her little cash. She's new too and no one gave her the heads up about this. It's paining me๐๐ฃ.
Is this right? Abi it has become a norm and everybody is now cool with it and letting these guys extort someone unnecessarily. Nobody feels the need to challenge this act?
Please I need to know if this is part of the law or something. There should be banners or something at strategic points around these bridges, to tell new comers or unsuspecting victims about what to do when in Lagos, and then more like a first time warning of sorts. Without having to extort money from them.
Me I feel this is extortion though, I may be wrong.
Twist Of Fate 2
So for those waiting for landlord gist part 2,here goes.
Neighbour was making my hair last weekend and giving me gist as usual. The next thing, she tells me that I should forgive landlord na, that he's a good guy แป. He buys her coke everytime he comes around and asks of me. I asked her if he told her what he did, she said yes but that he has accepted he's wrong. I said no wahala, I'm not keeping a grudge either ways. We are cool, besides I've met him in the compound on different occasions since then and we are cool.
Then she asks me if I'm going for the wedding.
'which wedding?' I asked her.
'ah ah. He didn't tell you? Landlord is getting married in April na. He's sharing wrapper for asoebi sef.'
'Oh? Really? I had no idea na. He didn't tell me. OK Where's our own wrapper na? As per tenants concerned?'
'He didn't give me แป. That's why I'm telling you so you will ask him for us. He said we are not in the budget, but his colour is blue and white. You know he likes you so if you ask him he will give us'.
'mtcheww ๐ ๐ ๐. Mummy P abeg lemme. You just told me he's planning wedding and still telling me he likes me. Which one you dey abeg? If we are not in his budget then no yawa na. He invited you sef, not me so I'm not going again. Better prepare for your wedding yourself. Hian '๐๐.
Mummy P laughed and tried to cajole and all, I told her I'm not going again.
While talking landlord comes around and excitedly walks towards us to give a pat and shake greeting, but I raise my hand and stops him midway...
'married man good afternoon, I heard you are getting married. What of our own asoebi wrapper? At least we should have special tenants wrappers sef. Or what do you think?'
And oga says the same thing, 'but I didn't put you in my budget na'.
OK na. I turned to my neighbour and tells her again, 'Shey you Don hear am now? Don't disturb me again o'.
Case closed.
So you all can now remove your mind from calling me landlady you hear? Amebo people๐ ๐
Thank you!
Neighbour was making my hair last weekend and giving me gist as usual. The next thing, she tells me that I should forgive landlord na, that he's a good guy แป. He buys her coke everytime he comes around and asks of me. I asked her if he told her what he did, she said yes but that he has accepted he's wrong. I said no wahala, I'm not keeping a grudge either ways. We are cool, besides I've met him in the compound on different occasions since then and we are cool.
Then she asks me if I'm going for the wedding.
'which wedding?' I asked her.
'ah ah. He didn't tell you? Landlord is getting married in April na. He's sharing wrapper for asoebi sef.'
'Oh? Really? I had no idea na. He didn't tell me. OK Where's our own wrapper na? As per tenants concerned?'
'He didn't give me แป. That's why I'm telling you so you will ask him for us. He said we are not in the budget, but his colour is blue and white. You know he likes you so if you ask him he will give us'.
'mtcheww ๐ ๐ ๐. Mummy P abeg lemme. You just told me he's planning wedding and still telling me he likes me. Which one you dey abeg? If we are not in his budget then no yawa na. He invited you sef, not me so I'm not going again. Better prepare for your wedding yourself. Hian '๐๐.
Mummy P laughed and tried to cajole and all, I told her I'm not going again.
While talking landlord comes around and excitedly walks towards us to give a pat and shake greeting, but I raise my hand and stops him midway...
'married man good afternoon, I heard you are getting married. What of our own asoebi wrapper? At least we should have special tenants wrappers sef. Or what do you think?'
And oga says the same thing, 'but I didn't put you in my budget na'.
OK na. I turned to my neighbour and tells her again, 'Shey you Don hear am now? Don't disturb me again o'.
Case closed.
So you all can now remove your mind from calling me landlady you hear? Amebo people๐ ๐
Thank you!
Twist of Fate...
This world sha, it's really small.
Last year, on the day I rounded up my youth service, I didn't want to change my khaki. 'let me enjoy it for the last time', I kept saying. I even slept in it on that day, the excitement was just too much. But that's not the gist.
My friend and housemate has never asked me to join her when going to visit this particular friend of hers. Never. On this day she came to my room and was like 'Lily let's go and meet M. He said he wants to celebrate the POP for us'.
'for you or for us?' ๐ ๐
She said for us. 'He asked me to come with my friend, and you are the only free one. Let's go na'.
I wasn't doing anything then, so I grudgingly agreed to go with her. We went wearing our uniforms.
We got to this popular eatery in town, her friend was seated with another friend of his. Let's call him Mr X. Her man will be Mr M.
I and M were quite friendly so we chatted and laughed and he congratulated us and all. He introduced me to his new friend X, and cornered my friend one side. The expected thing was to start talking with the new guy na.
X man started to chat and ask questions, the normal feeling of being in an interview kicked in and I wasn't feeling him sef. I wasn't hungry cause I just ate before leaving the house, so I just ordered one moimoi and two fishes. He kept insisting I should take more things na, it's my day, he's equal to the task, blablabla.๐๐๐
'Oga I just ate, I'm not so hungry. I won't even eat this now sef, maybe later. That's why I'm taking it away'.
Then he went back to quizzing me.
'Oh wow, you read computer science too? I'm also a computer engineer. What's your interest? Do you program? Or network? Which one?'
And on and on he went about how he could do this, and do that, and bring the telecoms mast to plant in his room. He was that good ๐๐๐.
He noticed I wasn't talking again, just giving him the obligatory 'hmmm, wow, ehe?, that's nice' comments then he said something to me. I pretended not to hear and kept quiet. He now said it again. I told him, 'please speak up, I cant hear you'.
Oga X got pissed. That why am I behaving like a kid na. Ah ah. We are in a public place, must he shout and spell everything out before I understand what he's saying. I should shake body jor. All these Igbo girls sef with sense'.
I smiled and calmly told him I still don't understand what he said. He got a paper and pen and wrote it down.
'I want you to come to my hotel room later this evening. Time 7pm. Mr M will tell your friend the place. HOW MUCH? '. Then he continued speaking, 'you know i don't know this Town, jndbfnmdkkmnd dujskkskduv dghdjdjjdj..'.
I wasn't listening anymore. I just stood up. 'babe, abeg let's go. I'm done here'.
Ah ah, what happened na. Lily what's the problem? Mr M started to ask him what the problem was.
Funny enough oga X didn't see anything wrong with what he said. He had this stupid smirk on his face and was showing surprise on his face too as his friend asked him what's up.
Mr. M started to tell me to calm down na, shey he asked me to come and celebrate. Why am I getting angry like this? Haba
He then asked Mr X to apologise, even though he doesn't know what was said but he could see I was clearly angry. My friend too put her mouth and started begging me I should wait small please.
I just sat there while Mr X tried his lame attempt at apologising, because he genuinely didn't see the insult in what he said to me. I ignored him completely till my friend was ready to go.
They dropped us off while he still told my friend that we should try and hang out later that night na. It's our day, why should we hole up inside like that?
As we walked to our lodge, I turned to my friend and asked her. 'Babe, did you know Oga M had his other friend with him there or not? And when he asked you to come with a friend, did you ask him why?
She swore she didn't know, and apologised after I told her what the bunkum said. She called her friend there and then and warned him never to try such again, and to express her displeasure at Mr X for what he said.
He kept calling later that night asking us to come and have a drink but we ignored. Never to hear from him again. I was glad I was never going to set my eyes on him again, or any of them for that matter. Or so I thought ๐คฆ♀️๐คฆ♀️.
Fast forward to early this year, I moved to bauchi, got a new place but never met the landlord. The agent refused giving his number out, I was desperate at the time so I didn't bother and just moved in.
Few days ago this guy walks into the house with the agent to inspect, (or get a room. So I thought). He looks very familiar ๐ค๐ค, I just thought and continued cleaning my veranda. We greeted and they passed, went round the compound, checked the empty rooms and left.
My neighbour came to meet me later to tell me the landlord came around แป, and he gave her money for bulbs she bought. Ah. Where was I na? He will give me my own o. I need to buy 5 bulbs for this house. Haba.
Then two days ago, same guy walks in again.
'Do you know me?' ๐
'Am I supposed to know you?' ๐ ๐
Then I told him he looks familiar. It seems we've met before. He screamed. 'Oh. Yes. The yobe Igbo girl that was angry with me? It's true. Small world แป. How now? You live here? What are you doing in Bauchi? Wow. You see God wants us to meet again. ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
Nye nye nye...'
Guess what,???
Mr. X is my landlord!
๐คฆ♀️๐คฆ♀️๐คฆ♀️
Last year, on the day I rounded up my youth service, I didn't want to change my khaki. 'let me enjoy it for the last time', I kept saying. I even slept in it on that day, the excitement was just too much. But that's not the gist.
My friend and housemate has never asked me to join her when going to visit this particular friend of hers. Never. On this day she came to my room and was like 'Lily let's go and meet M. He said he wants to celebrate the POP for us'.
'for you or for us?' ๐ ๐
She said for us. 'He asked me to come with my friend, and you are the only free one. Let's go na'.
I wasn't doing anything then, so I grudgingly agreed to go with her. We went wearing our uniforms.
We got to this popular eatery in town, her friend was seated with another friend of his. Let's call him Mr X. Her man will be Mr M.
I and M were quite friendly so we chatted and laughed and he congratulated us and all. He introduced me to his new friend X, and cornered my friend one side. The expected thing was to start talking with the new guy na.
X man started to chat and ask questions, the normal feeling of being in an interview kicked in and I wasn't feeling him sef. I wasn't hungry cause I just ate before leaving the house, so I just ordered one moimoi and two fishes. He kept insisting I should take more things na, it's my day, he's equal to the task, blablabla.๐๐๐
'Oga I just ate, I'm not so hungry. I won't even eat this now sef, maybe later. That's why I'm taking it away'.
Then he went back to quizzing me.
'Oh wow, you read computer science too? I'm also a computer engineer. What's your interest? Do you program? Or network? Which one?'
And on and on he went about how he could do this, and do that, and bring the telecoms mast to plant in his room. He was that good ๐๐๐.
He noticed I wasn't talking again, just giving him the obligatory 'hmmm, wow, ehe?, that's nice' comments then he said something to me. I pretended not to hear and kept quiet. He now said it again. I told him, 'please speak up, I cant hear you'.
Oga X got pissed. That why am I behaving like a kid na. Ah ah. We are in a public place, must he shout and spell everything out before I understand what he's saying. I should shake body jor. All these Igbo girls sef with sense'.
I smiled and calmly told him I still don't understand what he said. He got a paper and pen and wrote it down.
'I want you to come to my hotel room later this evening. Time 7pm. Mr M will tell your friend the place. HOW MUCH? '. Then he continued speaking, 'you know i don't know this Town, jndbfnmdkkmnd dujskkskduv dghdjdjjdj..'.
I wasn't listening anymore. I just stood up. 'babe, abeg let's go. I'm done here'.
Ah ah, what happened na. Lily what's the problem? Mr M started to ask him what the problem was.
Funny enough oga X didn't see anything wrong with what he said. He had this stupid smirk on his face and was showing surprise on his face too as his friend asked him what's up.
Mr. M started to tell me to calm down na, shey he asked me to come and celebrate. Why am I getting angry like this? Haba
He then asked Mr X to apologise, even though he doesn't know what was said but he could see I was clearly angry. My friend too put her mouth and started begging me I should wait small please.
I just sat there while Mr X tried his lame attempt at apologising, because he genuinely didn't see the insult in what he said to me. I ignored him completely till my friend was ready to go.
They dropped us off while he still told my friend that we should try and hang out later that night na. It's our day, why should we hole up inside like that?
As we walked to our lodge, I turned to my friend and asked her. 'Babe, did you know Oga M had his other friend with him there or not? And when he asked you to come with a friend, did you ask him why?
She swore she didn't know, and apologised after I told her what the bunkum said. She called her friend there and then and warned him never to try such again, and to express her displeasure at Mr X for what he said.
He kept calling later that night asking us to come and have a drink but we ignored. Never to hear from him again. I was glad I was never going to set my eyes on him again, or any of them for that matter. Or so I thought ๐คฆ♀️๐คฆ♀️.
Fast forward to early this year, I moved to bauchi, got a new place but never met the landlord. The agent refused giving his number out, I was desperate at the time so I didn't bother and just moved in.
Few days ago this guy walks into the house with the agent to inspect, (or get a room. So I thought). He looks very familiar ๐ค๐ค, I just thought and continued cleaning my veranda. We greeted and they passed, went round the compound, checked the empty rooms and left.
My neighbour came to meet me later to tell me the landlord came around แป, and he gave her money for bulbs she bought. Ah. Where was I na? He will give me my own o. I need to buy 5 bulbs for this house. Haba.
Then two days ago, same guy walks in again.
'Do you know me?' ๐
'Am I supposed to know you?' ๐ ๐
Then I told him he looks familiar. It seems we've met before. He screamed. 'Oh. Yes. The yobe Igbo girl that was angry with me? It's true. Small world แป. How now? You live here? What are you doing in Bauchi? Wow. You see God wants us to meet again. ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
Nye nye nye...'
Guess what,???
Mr. X is my landlord!
๐คฆ♀️๐คฆ♀️๐คฆ♀️
On the quarrel between baby in the womb and suckling babies
I want to know something. It's been bothering me more now because in my current line of work, I hear and see it all the time.
When breast feeding mothers take in, their suckling babies either starts to purge, vomit milk or reject the breast milk completely. Sometimes the mothers don't even know that they are pregnant until they come to the maternity and the first thing they are asked by the nurses แป when they complain about their babies is, 'are you pregnant?'
I found that odd, because I felt there's no need for a baby in the womb to affect the breast milk, so I asked questions but got similar responses too.
Then not just the hospital, but people close to me have experienced such too without actually knowing the cause. I and my friend were trying to conjure up reasons in our head for it, silly ones that I can't say ๐คฆ♀️๐คฆ♀️ and I asked a doctor who told me there's no medical explanation for that.
I went online and the English is plenty๐, with no explicit reason for this occurrence.
So I'm here now to ask, if someone has any explanation for this?
I'm not asking for any report or something like that o, I'm just curious to know what the quarrel is between a newborn and a growing foetus. Why the beef over breast milk they (foetus) don't get to drink for months?
๐๐๐
When breast feeding mothers take in, their suckling babies either starts to purge, vomit milk or reject the breast milk completely. Sometimes the mothers don't even know that they are pregnant until they come to the maternity and the first thing they are asked by the nurses แป when they complain about their babies is, 'are you pregnant?'
I found that odd, because I felt there's no need for a baby in the womb to affect the breast milk, so I asked questions but got similar responses too.
Then not just the hospital, but people close to me have experienced such too without actually knowing the cause. I and my friend were trying to conjure up reasons in our head for it, silly ones that I can't say ๐คฆ♀️๐คฆ♀️ and I asked a doctor who told me there's no medical explanation for that.
I went online and the English is plenty๐, with no explicit reason for this occurrence.
So I'm here now to ask, if someone has any explanation for this?
I'm not asking for any report or something like that o, I'm just curious to know what the quarrel is between a newborn and a growing foetus. Why the beef over breast milk they (foetus) don't get to drink for months?
๐๐๐
Friday, November 9, 2018
#FlashbackFriday
I just read a post that reminded me of this. It's long o๐๐ฏ
Few years ago I was home and mum sent me on an errand in the next street. You know the teenage age where you like going on errands because you are feeling fly and all fine na ๐, you want to trek everywhere around especially at night?. Yea, that age ๐
'who will help me buy airtime downstairs? '
You will just shout from your room' me oo.. Mummy let me buy for you'๐
I jejeli collected the money, then diverted to my room to rub small powder, (what? ๐๐? I am going to the next street, duhhhh๐๐), then change my house clothe to outing cloth incase I get a toaster na, ighotago๐๐๐
I made sure my mum didn't see me going out of course, so I just sneaked from my room straight to the door.
She shouted from the parlor 'who is opening that door?' (we have one noisy amebo ๐ฌiron door leading to the stairs that announces everybody trying to leave or enter the house)
Me : 'mummy it's me, I'm going to buy the card you sent me' (I was replying from behind the door)
Mum : since that time ๐ฎ? What were you doing since Ifeyinwa? Nwete gi there eh, common zuzuru and go get what I sent you osiso.. Nonsense ๐..
Iya nme, what is my concern? ๐ ๐ I have dressed for the occasion mbok so insult me anyhow, e no concern me ๐๐.
I run downstairs, out the gate and take my time to catwalk to the next street, not minding that we have about 3 shops downstairs ๐ข๐. They won't have 'mtn' card na ๐, I thought to myself.
Then voila, God answered my prayers ๐ and sent me a toaster๐. My powder and change of clothes won't be a waste.
I pose at the junction leading to my house and the next street, forgetting all thoughts of the mtn recharge card, listening to the sweet lies and nothings my toaster was saying. But in all, just feeling myself ๐๐๐.
Then the devil struck, I turned while I was doing the usual shyness thing and my dad was approaching.
Jesus! ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ง๐ข. Where is he going to this night na?
I tried to remember all the lies in my head or excuses I could use, for where? ๐ฑ. Nothing made sense.
Then I smiled ๐๐, cause I remembered my dad doesn't see well at night. He won't recognise me na ๐, shebi he used to drive past me at night? Mtchw๐๐. This one no go catch me.. I relaxed my thing, and he was close now.
Then the yeye guy now opened his mouth and greeted him. Ha๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ, daddy answer greeting and pass na ๐, he no gree. He now turned and answered very well, then looked at my back that was turned to him and said,
'ify e gotego ihe mummy Ziri gi? '
(have you bought what your mum sent you)
Ha๐ฑ, I didn't know the Lord has opened my daddy's eyes at night o.
I just replied : yes sir, daddy good evening sir, I'm going now sir, and all the sirs kept flying out..
He then nodded and walked past.
I left the wucked toaster immediately, I RAN to the shop praying,, and begging God for forgiveness, so that he can save me this last time from the beating I will receive at home, by making my dad forget to tell mum.
you know that trick where you have to pull your eye lashes so your parents will forget something you did? ๐ ๐ข
Oh I pulled everything jare, daddy must forget this incident forever ๐.
Then I ran back home, sneaked back to my room to change my clothes sharp sharp, then cornered to the parlor.
Me: mummy here, give me your phone let me help you (ezigbo Mmadu things o)
Mum: what kept you there since? You this girl, I will deal with you o. Mind yourself in this house, why didn't you buy here, Yadav Yaya zzzzzzz....... I wasn't listening...
Then dad came back, I stayed in my room, just listening attentively whether he will mention it.. I waited o till they were about going to bed, he didn't tell her anything!
Oh thank you Jesus ๐ ๐. You are too much baba๐๐. He has forgotten o. I prayed a Thanksgiving prayer and slept happily.
But alas, my happiness was short lived.
He told her in bed! ๐ง๐ข๐ข๐ซ
I woke up in the middle of the night looking up to a very fierce looking koboko and an angry looking mum. See sweat /tears ๐ .
Please brothers and sisters in the Lord, you can imagine the rest...
Few years ago I was home and mum sent me on an errand in the next street. You know the teenage age where you like going on errands because you are feeling fly and all fine na ๐, you want to trek everywhere around especially at night?. Yea, that age ๐
'who will help me buy airtime downstairs? '
You will just shout from your room' me oo.. Mummy let me buy for you'๐
I jejeli collected the money, then diverted to my room to rub small powder, (what? ๐๐? I am going to the next street, duhhhh๐๐), then change my house clothe to outing cloth incase I get a toaster na, ighotago๐๐๐
I made sure my mum didn't see me going out of course, so I just sneaked from my room straight to the door.
She shouted from the parlor 'who is opening that door?' (we have one noisy amebo ๐ฌiron door leading to the stairs that announces everybody trying to leave or enter the house)
Me : 'mummy it's me, I'm going to buy the card you sent me' (I was replying from behind the door)
Mum : since that time ๐ฎ? What were you doing since Ifeyinwa? Nwete gi there eh, common zuzuru and go get what I sent you osiso.. Nonsense ๐..
Iya nme, what is my concern? ๐ ๐ I have dressed for the occasion mbok so insult me anyhow, e no concern me ๐๐.
I run downstairs, out the gate and take my time to catwalk to the next street, not minding that we have about 3 shops downstairs ๐ข๐. They won't have 'mtn' card na ๐, I thought to myself.
Then voila, God answered my prayers ๐ and sent me a toaster๐. My powder and change of clothes won't be a waste.
I pose at the junction leading to my house and the next street, forgetting all thoughts of the mtn recharge card, listening to the sweet lies and nothings my toaster was saying. But in all, just feeling myself ๐๐๐.
Then the devil struck, I turned while I was doing the usual shyness thing and my dad was approaching.
Jesus! ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ง๐ข. Where is he going to this night na?
I tried to remember all the lies in my head or excuses I could use, for where? ๐ฑ. Nothing made sense.
Then I smiled ๐๐, cause I remembered my dad doesn't see well at night. He won't recognise me na ๐, shebi he used to drive past me at night? Mtchw๐๐. This one no go catch me.. I relaxed my thing, and he was close now.
Then the yeye guy now opened his mouth and greeted him. Ha๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ, daddy answer greeting and pass na ๐, he no gree. He now turned and answered very well, then looked at my back that was turned to him and said,
'ify e gotego ihe mummy Ziri gi? '
(have you bought what your mum sent you)
Ha๐ฑ, I didn't know the Lord has opened my daddy's eyes at night o.
I just replied : yes sir, daddy good evening sir, I'm going now sir, and all the sirs kept flying out..
He then nodded and walked past.
I left the wucked toaster immediately, I RAN to the shop praying,, and begging God for forgiveness, so that he can save me this last time from the beating I will receive at home, by making my dad forget to tell mum.
you know that trick where you have to pull your eye lashes so your parents will forget something you did? ๐ ๐ข
Oh I pulled everything jare, daddy must forget this incident forever ๐.
Then I ran back home, sneaked back to my room to change my clothes sharp sharp, then cornered to the parlor.
Me: mummy here, give me your phone let me help you (ezigbo Mmadu things o)
Mum: what kept you there since? You this girl, I will deal with you o. Mind yourself in this house, why didn't you buy here, Yadav Yaya zzzzzzz....... I wasn't listening...
Then dad came back, I stayed in my room, just listening attentively whether he will mention it.. I waited o till they were about going to bed, he didn't tell her anything!
Oh thank you Jesus ๐ ๐. You are too much baba๐๐. He has forgotten o. I prayed a Thanksgiving prayer and slept happily.
But alas, my happiness was short lived.
He told her in bed! ๐ง๐ข๐ข๐ซ
I woke up in the middle of the night looking up to a very fierce looking koboko and an angry looking mum. See sweat /tears ๐ .
Please brothers and sisters in the Lord, you can imagine the rest...
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