Abakaliki... My New Home. 🏘

 It's over a year since I posted anything here even though I've been writing on my note pad and just saving. I've almost forgotten how to write anything you know😢😢. So much has happened this past year, and i don't even know where to start sharing from. I just feel putting down my experiences and thoughts have helped me get through some tough times, because I've come here severally to just read and smile at some of my writings. 

That's one of my reasons for writing down my thoughts..

Anyway, Abakaliki is now my new home, whether I like it or not. And i will write in details about the processes that led to me being here now. I think I posted last here in June or July🤔, and since then it's been one journey or the other. I was in Bauchi this minute, and the next minute I found myself in Kano, then Lagos for a few months and finally Ebonyi State. I can't say it's been a smooth ride or an easy move, but I won't lie😎, I've enjoyed every aspect of this movement and experience.

I now work in a different organisation, completely and totally different from the one I was with before so I'm kind of restricted in the kind of things I share or put out there, another reason why I've been Mia for longer this time. You will get to find out in due course. 

So this is me saying welcome back to your safe place, writing💓. Oya let's clap👏🙉🤓...

Travel Chronicles: Gombe

Sorry guys, I've been mia for a while. My apologies please 😍😍.

Gombe.

This man pissed me off eh. The bike man. He was a bit elderly so I controlled myself from lashing out as I felt.

I agreed with the driver from bauchi Park that he was going to take me to the park where I was to get another car going to my destination, in Gombe. So we get to Gombe Town.

Town is so beautiful 💕, street lights and very beautiful round abouts everywhere. I was tempted to spend the night but I had another bus to catch. I was still lost in the sights of the place, oohing and aahing when a passenger mentioned he wanted to alight.

The driver drops him and this man come and starts shouting the name of the town in Borno I was going to. The driver asks him if he's leaving now, assuming the man had a small vehicle to do the intrastate travel, and he says yes.
Before I get down from the bus I ask him again if he's leaving any moment, he says yes. All these while I just assumed his car was parked very close. It was getting late, and it's not advisable to travel late in the North. Some northern states still have curfews and do not allow any cars past their check points at that time. I was going to Borno which had curfew so you can understand my hurry.

I get down and follow this man, frantically looking for his car.

'Oga abeg hurry up. Where's the car? I hope there are passengers already?'

By this time my bus already left.

This man just took me to where a bike was parked and told me to get on.

'Oga I am not understanding. I thought you said you are leaving now? '

'Eh. Yes na. Na the bike be this. I go take you go the park wey you go enter motor'. He told me.

To say I was pissed off is putting it lightly🤦‍♀️.
Why the hell did you make me get down from that bus? That bus driver was supposed to take me to the park! Why convince me to get down here for you to now take me to where I was originally going to? I was livid😡!

'Oga what's this na? Why did you let me drop here? I was going there already.. 😒What's all these? How far is it sef?'

'It's not far. Just get on let me carry you there sharp sharp.'

He didn't even apologise, but instead was claiming the bus wouldn't have gotten there. And that every person going to that particular town had to drop on the way and take a bike to the park.

Some other guys around saw us arguing and came around. One of the guys who was a bit literate tried to make peace and explained. He apologised and told me most people dropped along the way too if the bus was delaying. We agreed, I and the bike man, and he finally took me to the park. The 'not - so - far place he described that I thought was less than ten minutes turned out to be another long and annoying trip on it's own. And worst mistake, we didn't agree on a price before leaving so that caused another issue again.

To say my mood was spoilt is putting it lightly. Luckily for me I was the second to last passenger to complete the vehicle as it was already getting late to travel.

Moral of the story should be,😒🤔 follow the driver to the park next time. (I guess)
But finally I look forward to visiting Gombe properly. The town is really fine. 😍

Image was taken as soon as I got to my destination.  😍

Travel Chronicles : Owerri

On a good day, Port Harcourt to Owerri should be about a 100+ km. It should take a public bus one hour and thirty  minutes to get there and for a private vehicle, it should take less than that. But for the number of annoying and very unnecessary checkpoints on the road.
 With a throwing distance from each other, it takes more than 2 hours to travel to your destination. Haba!

You have the Police, SARS, Mopol, Army, Road Safety and others I don't even know their aim on that road, each with their own check points. Aside from the touts that fight over N50 or more to be collected from these drivers each time they pick a passenger along their road, the drivers still have to settle each check point as it passes. Why is this so?

Please, I do wonder how much they are even making as drivers, that they have to spend a good amount of their earnings on the road just for the uniformed men to allow them pass?. (Mind you, this is not part of their job)
And it's not a one off settlement o!

Each time these drivers pass that road, they have to drop at least N50 for each check point. I didn't remember to count them but if I'm not exaggerating, we passed more than 20 check points on our road, and the driver was made to settle more than 90% of them. The other ones he could escape he had to lie about giving their counterparts at the back. This is so wrong.

And with the recent lack of professionalism from these uniformed men, where we have read about shooting unarmed civilians for no known reason, the drivers are scared to even refuse them for fear of being shot at if they try to escape.

What's wrong with our institutions as a whole? Where or how can these things be corrected? It's disheartening!

Ps: picture was taken in front of the church I was sent out of in Owerri. Story for another day 🥂.

My Travel Chronicles : Port Harcourt

When I got into pH, the car park I came with was directly opposite this very beautiful green park. I looked for the sign post and I saw 'pleasure park' as the name. Immediately my brother came to pick me I asked him what the place was for, he said just hang out. I made a mental note in my mind to make sure I visit the before leaving.

I did visit, with a friend, and I think it's one of the high points of my stay in ph. The place is so serene, GREEN and very beautiful.

As I was even walking into the park, this white lady stopped and said 'hello, excuse me... '

'Yes? Hello ma '

'Yes you are' she said smiling. I was lost, and I'm sure the expression on my face said the same. And she laughed a very low laugh and looked at my shirt.

On it was written 'YOU ARE AWESOME', and my heart swelled and my face bubbled with laughter and joy as I gladly replied her 'thank you ma'...

I felt even happier with just that single compliment from a stranger, and loved the shirt more. It was a gift, even though big I loved wearing it everywhere. I smiled all through my walk in the park, and as she passed me severally with the children she came with I kept smiling. To me, my day was made!

One of my love languages is words of affirmation, and knowing this, I'm very receptive when I'm complimented. Call it vain, I don't know. But that's me 😋.

I notice one faster when they say the nicest things to me, or even those around me. You might say I don't do well with criticism, I also love those, but let it be constructive and we are good.

Pleasure park was and still is a refreshing place for me, I hope to visit there again when I come back here. I wish something like this can be created for those in the North. 🤔😩😩😩

My Travel Chronicles: Bauchi

Travelling in the North is quite different from travelling in the east. In the North, especially the North East, there's a flat demarcation.

Ladies or women don't sit with the men, it's like a silent law or something. I grew up in the North but somehow didn't inculcate some of these traditions, so I usually have issues at the bus parks with their conductors when they tell me where to sit, which is mostly uncomfortable.

My most recent experience was when I was traveling from Bauchi to Borno state, I didn't tell my mum of course, till I came back. (She would have killed me) 🙄🙄.

I got to the park late on a work day and it was the last bus, I paid for my ticket and went to sit directly behind the driver. I saw another woman there and the back seats were filled with women with children that were crying and pouring stuff from their mouth in the process.

Mba, I will seat far away please 😒.

Conductor brought a male passenger and commanded I go to the back, he told the other woman with me in Hausa that we all are supposed to sit at the back. I was wearing an earpiece but could hear them. I pretended not to.

The woman grumbled a bit and went to the back, as she was leaving she touched me. I feigned ignorance and said 'baa Hausa'. This ajayi woman interpreted and said the guy asked us to go to the back. I looked at the conductor and asked him why, his reason was that I'm a woman, I'm not supposed to sit with a man.

Hian. As what? Since when? 🙄 🙄 🙄. You hypocrite. So if I sit with him here I will get pregnant or the driver will have accident abi? Please oga baa Hausa, leave me alone I want to sit here.

The guy started to insult me. In Hausa of course. He kept ranting and I ignored him. Then he said I must go to the back, or leave the bus. I looked around, this was the last bus and it was getting late, it wasn't even a direct bus to Borno sef.
I had to get to Gombe first before getting another bus to take me there.

Ah! This guy knew he had me in a fix, I didn't have another option as I was up against him, alone, and the other female passengers who were by this time insulting me as well and saying I was a stupid and troublesome girl for wanting to sit with men. I glared at the conductor and stood up, went to the back and continued with my ear piece. The women continued talking, as usual na 🙄😒😒. That I was troublesome, and a spoilt girl. They were saying it in Hausa and I could pick some of the words they said.

Few minutes later, the conductor guy came back with a lady and a man, and asked me if I still wanted to sit in front. Mtcheww 😏 😏. After making me shamefully carry my bag to the back, you want to come and placate me? Your head is not correct!

The annoying co-seat mate that has been insulting me touched me and started laughing, I looked at her with all the disdain I could muster on my face.

What's wrong with this one? What ma? 😒 😒

She stopped and said conductor is talking to you. You can go to the front. I hated where I was seating, but I still had to do small shakara. I gave the conductor a short lecture of allowing people sit where they wanted to, especially when they come early. If the men wanted to sit in front they should come earlier and secure their seats na, what's all these.?
I was talking in English, but I cared not if he understood me or not.

I carried myself again back to my initial position with plenty grumbling. 😏😏

So for those planning to travel to the North by road for the first time, and with a northern travel company. Respect yourself jejeli and go to where your gender is seating.

Cutting of new born hair

On cutting of new born hair at one year

I'm a very curious person so I tend to question alot of things especially when they are not making sense to me. Or I don't understand the reason being given, I question it till it's a bit reasonable to me.

Last week I met a friend with his son, very cute baby boy and his hair was plaited. The mum explained that his hair was too long and baby was always crying when they tried to comb it so she decided to plait it. And that she was waiting for baby to get to one year before she can cut the hair. She can't cut it before or after, it has to be at one year kpere🙄🙄🙄😩. Who made these rules by the way?
Me I was more interested in the cute and soft baby hair and just passively mentioned that I won't cut my baby's hair if they had such long and full hair. These people attacked me ọ, saying tradition states that we must cut the first hair a child comes into the world with, it's not good for the child to carry the hair.

When I was in secondary school, my friend's mum gave birth and till recently when I found out, they didn't cut J's hair. Her hair didn't cut or no village witch followed her or ancestral lie lie curse. She entered secondary school, If I  remember correctly what my friend told me, before she cut her hair. Her hair was so long and curly and everytime I went to their house I always loved touching it. As far back as that time I already told myself I wasn't going to cut my baby's hair.

So I want to know why we cut our hair at one year? What's the rationale behind it aside the fact that we were indoctrinated into it by our parents and never bothered to question the reason why. I would like to stick to Samson's bible story where God asked him not to cut his hair, because I don't know any other place in the bible where God asked people to cut their hair even.

Scars...

I have this very clear scar on my right hand. I just looked at it again and remembered how I got it.
My wicked elder brother Paul has always been mischievous right from the womb. He was about 6 or 7years of age when he gave me this scar with a hot iron. My aunt gave him the iron to go keep somewhere, and he cornered me and washed my head till I brought it out 'voluntarily' (not with clear eyes obviously 🙄🙄🙄), then he ironed my hands with it 😭😭😭😢. Wicked brother I have. This explains why I hate irons and ironing till date, it's my brother's fault 😈😏.

So I'm calling you out, chuks, to avoid me! You and anything that looks like Iron!
I'm sure he also has scars from the beating he recieved that day from mum 😂😂😂😂.

Lord Ọf Keys

My dad is obsessed with keys. Like every minute of everyday, he's with a bunch of keys, or bunches even. His pockets are always filled with keys, his car, in this house. Always carrying keys and asking for them back when you collect any from him 🙄🙄🙄. Sometimes gets annoying when you are looking for your key and can't find it. Be rest assured he took it. If he sees any key lying about, he takes them and makes them his.
Any key you are looking for in this world, please come and ask my dad. He's with it.

Recently I've been asking for keys anyhow, like every minute unconsciously even. And my kid sister noticed it and told me one painful thing just this afternoon, that I'm my father's daughter 😭😭😭😭😭.

So I'm now Lord of the keys as well? 😭😭😭

Lagos Lastma

When I got to Lagos newly in 2015, my sister gave me the basic rules of staying or moving around town, but forgot to tell me about the 'bridge rule '🙄🙄😏. The one that states that you must climb the bridge, whether it's far from you or not. That was how this wucked uniformed men arrested me and put me in their van at oshodi-under-bridge. Started telling me I will have to pay a certain amount to be released, I was shocked. I argued I was new in town and didn't even know a law like that existed, and they said 'ignorance is not an excuse'. Like seriously?🙆‍♀️..
I was angry eh, and I was supposed to meet a friend there at the time. I just relax for car, sun too much sef and my friends was still far so free shade 😏🙄🙄. The ladies were kept at the front seat of the van, while the guys were bundled to the back, and they made it sound like we were supposed to be grateful for being kept in special corner 😏🙄, make I hear. I watched as they 'hustled' for their unfortunate customers as if this was business. It was business to them I guess. Some of them didn't wear uniforms too that's why it was easy for them to get their targets. When one came to drag me, I even thought he was a broad daylight thief sef and was already opening my eyes and shouting he should leave me alone. Asheee na to carry me go van.😒😒
So my friend came around and started to call me. I told him I was in the van at the bridge, can't remember their names again sef.
No be lastma abi? 🤔 🤔
He came and just met one of them, negotiated like it was a normal thing and paid before they let me go. I was still running my mouth and asking him why he paid. I thought it was against the law or something, and he explained that it was against the law to cross the road when there's a bridge there in Lagos. Hian. I didn't get the memo na 😏.
Now my kid sis just had the same experience and was 'cheated' out of her little cash. She's new too and no one gave her the heads up about this. It's paining me😐😣.

Is this right? Abi it has become a norm and everybody is now cool with it and letting these guys extort someone unnecessarily. Nobody feels the need to challenge this act?
Please I need to know if this is part of the law or something. There should be banners or something at strategic points around these bridges,  to tell new comers or unsuspecting victims about what to do when in Lagos, and then more like a first time warning of sorts. Without having to extort money from them.
Me I feel this is extortion though, I may be wrong.

Twist Of Fate 2

So for those waiting for landlord gist part 2,here goes.
Neighbour was making my hair last weekend and giving me gist as usual. The next thing, she tells me that I should forgive landlord na, that he's a good guy ọ. He buys her coke everytime he comes around and asks of me. I asked her if he told her what he did, she said yes but that he has accepted he's wrong. I said no wahala, I'm not keeping a grudge either ways. We are cool, besides I've met him in the compound on different occasions since then and we are cool.
Then she asks me if I'm going for the wedding.

'which wedding?' I asked her.

'ah ah. He didn't tell you? Landlord is getting married in April na. He's sharing wrapper for asoebi sef.'

'Oh? Really? I had no idea na. He didn't tell me. OK Where's our own wrapper na? As per tenants concerned?'

'He didn't give me ọ. That's why I'm telling you so you will ask him for us. He said we are not in the budget, but his colour is blue and white. You know he likes you so if you ask him he will give us'.

'mtcheww 🙄 🙄 🙄. Mummy P abeg lemme. You just told me he's planning wedding and still telling me he likes me. Which one you dey abeg? If we are not in his budget then no yawa na. He invited you sef, not me so I'm not going again. Better prepare for your wedding yourself. Hian '😒🙄.

Mummy P laughed and tried to cajole and all, I told her I'm not going again.
While talking landlord comes around and excitedly walks towards us to give a pat and shake greeting, but I raise my hand and stops him midway...

'married man good afternoon, I heard you are getting married. What of our own asoebi wrapper? At least we should have special tenants wrappers sef. Or what do you think?'

And oga says the same thing, 'but I didn't put you in my budget na'.

OK na. I turned to my neighbour and tells her again, 'Shey you Don hear am now? Don't disturb me again o'.

Case closed.

So you all can now remove your mind from calling me landlady you hear? Amebo people😒 😒
Thank you!

Twist of Fate...

This world sha, it's really small.

Last year, on the day I rounded up my youth service, I didn't want to change my khaki. 'let me enjoy it for the last time', I kept saying. I even slept in it on that day, the excitement was just too much. But that's not the gist.
My friend and housemate has never asked me to join her when going to visit this particular friend of hers. Never. On this day she came to my room and was like 'Lily let's go and meet M. He said he wants to celebrate the POP for us'.

'for you or for us?' 😒 😒

She said for us. 'He asked me to come with my friend, and you are the only free one. Let's go na'.
I wasn't doing anything then, so I grudgingly agreed to go with her. We went wearing our uniforms.
We got to this popular eatery in town, her friend was seated with another friend of his. Let's call him Mr X. Her man will be Mr M.

I and M were quite friendly so we chatted and laughed and he congratulated us and all. He introduced me to his new friend X, and cornered my friend one side. The expected thing was to start talking with the new guy na.
X man started to chat and ask questions, the normal feeling of being in an interview kicked in and I wasn't feeling him sef. I wasn't hungry cause I just ate before leaving the house, so I just ordered one moimoi and two fishes. He kept insisting I should take more things na, it's my day, he's equal to the task, blablabla.🙄🙄🙄

'Oga I just ate, I'm not so hungry. I won't even eat this now sef, maybe later. That's why I'm taking it away'.
Then he went back to quizzing me.

'Oh wow, you read computer science too? I'm also a computer engineer. What's your interest? Do you program? Or network? Which one?'
And on and on he went about how he could do this, and do that, and bring the telecoms mast to plant in his room. He was that good 🙄🙄🙄.
He noticed I wasn't talking again, just giving him the obligatory 'hmmm, wow, ehe?, that's nice' comments then he said something to me. I pretended not to hear and kept quiet. He now said it again. I told him, 'please speak up, I cant hear you'.

Oga X got pissed. That why am I behaving like a kid na. Ah ah. We are in a public place, must he shout and spell everything out before I understand what he's saying. I should shake body jor. All these Igbo girls sef with sense'.

I smiled and calmly told him I still don't understand what he said. He got a paper and pen and wrote it down.
'I want you to come to my hotel room later this evening. Time 7pm. Mr M will tell your friend the place. HOW MUCH? '. Then he continued speaking, 'you know i don't know this Town, jndbfnmdkkmnd dujskkskduv dghdjdjjdj..'.

I wasn't listening anymore. I just stood up. 'babe, abeg let's go. I'm done here'.
Ah ah, what happened na. Lily what's the problem? Mr M started to ask him what the problem was.
Funny enough oga X didn't see anything wrong with what he said. He had this stupid smirk on his face and was showing surprise on his face too as his friend asked him what's up.
Mr. M started to tell me to calm down na, shey he asked me to come and celebrate. Why am I getting angry like this? Haba
He then asked Mr X to apologise, even though he doesn't know what was said but he could see I was clearly angry. My friend too put her mouth and started begging me I should wait small please.
I just sat there while Mr X tried his lame attempt at apologising, because he genuinely didn't see the insult in what he said to me. I ignored him completely till my friend was ready to go.
They dropped us off while he still told my friend that we should try and hang out later that night na. It's our day, why should we hole up inside like that?

As we walked to our lodge, I turned to my friend and asked her. 'Babe, did you know Oga M had his other friend with him there or not? And when he asked you to come with a friend, did you ask him why?
She swore she didn't know, and apologised after I told her what the bunkum said. She called her friend there and then and warned him never to try such again, and to express her displeasure at Mr X for what he said.

He kept calling later that night asking us to come and have a drink but we ignored. Never to hear from him again. I was glad I was never going to set my eyes on him again, or any of them for that matter. Or so I thought 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️.

Fast forward to early this year, I moved to bauchi, got a new place but never met the landlord. The agent refused giving his number out, I was desperate at the time so I didn't bother and just moved in.
Few days ago this guy walks into the house with the agent to inspect, (or get a room. So I thought). He looks very familiar 🤔🤔, I just thought and continued cleaning my veranda. We greeted and they passed, went round the compound, checked the empty rooms and left.
My neighbour came to meet me later to tell me the landlord came around ọ, and he gave her money for bulbs she bought. Ah. Where was I na? He will give me my own o. I need to buy 5 bulbs for this house. Haba.
Then two days ago, same guy walks in again.
'Do you know me?' 😒
'Am I supposed to know you?' 🙄 🙄

Then I told him he looks familiar. It seems we've met before. He screamed. 'Oh. Yes. The yobe Igbo girl that was angry with me? It's true. Small world ọ. How now? You live here? What are you doing in Bauchi? Wow. You see God wants us to meet again. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Nye nye nye...'

Guess what,???
Mr. X is my landlord!
🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

On the quarrel between baby in the womb and suckling babies

I want to know something. It's been bothering me more now because in my current line of work, I hear and see it all the time.
When breast feeding mothers take in, their suckling babies either starts to purge, vomit milk or reject the breast milk completely. Sometimes the mothers don't even know that they are pregnant until they come to the maternity and the first thing they are asked by the nurses ọ when they complain about their babies is, 'are you pregnant?'
I found that odd, because I felt there's no need for a baby in the womb to affect the breast milk, so I asked questions but got similar responses too.
Then not just the hospital, but people close to me have experienced such too without actually knowing the cause. I and my friend were trying to conjure up reasons in our head for it, silly ones that I can't say 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ and I asked a doctor who told me there's no medical explanation for that.
I went online and the English is plenty🙄, with no explicit reason for this occurrence.

So I'm here now to ask, if someone has any explanation for this?
I'm not asking for any report or something like that o, I'm just curious to know what the quarrel is between a newborn and a growing foetus. Why the beef over breast milk they (foetus) don't get to drink for months?
😒😒😒

#FlashbackFriday

I just read a post that reminded me of this. It's long o😐😯

Few years ago I was home and mum sent me on an errand in the next street. You know the teenage age where you like going on errands because you are feeling fly and all fine na 😎, you want to trek everywhere around especially at night?.  Yea, that age 😀

'who will help me buy airtime downstairs? '
You will just shout from your room' me oo.. Mummy let me buy for you'😊

I jejeli collected the money, then diverted to my room to rub small powder, (what? 😎😏? I am going to the next street, duhhhh😑😐), then change my house clothe to outing cloth incase I get a toaster na, ighotago😐😎😎
I made sure my mum didn't see me going out of course, so I just sneaked from my room straight to the door.
She shouted from the parlor 'who is opening that door?' (we have one noisy amebo 😬iron door leading to the stairs that announces everybody trying to leave or enter the house)
Me : 'mummy it's me, I'm going to buy the card you sent me' (I was replying from behind the door)
Mum : since that time 😮? What were you doing since Ifeyinwa? Nwete gi there eh, common zuzuru and go get what I sent you osiso.. Nonsense 😑..

Iya nme, what is my concern? 😏 😏 I have dressed for the occasion mbok so insult me anyhow, e no concern me 💃😎.

I run downstairs, out the gate and take my time to catwalk to the next street, not minding that we have about 3 shops downstairs 😢😐. They won't have 'mtn' card na 😎, I thought to myself.
Then voila, God answered my prayers 😇 and sent me a toaster😀. My powder and change of clothes won't be a waste.
I pose at the junction leading to my house and the next street, forgetting all thoughts of the mtn recharge card, listening to the sweet lies and nothings my toaster was saying. But in all, just feeling myself 🙈🙈🙊.
Then the devil struck, I turned while I was doing the usual shyness thing and my dad was approaching.
Jesus! 😮😮😮😮😮😧😢. Where is he going to this night na?
I tried to remember all the lies in my head or excuses I could use, for where? 😱. Nothing made sense.
Then I smiled 😊😊, cause I remembered my dad doesn't see well at night. He won't recognise me na 😊, shebi he used to drive past me at night? Mtchw😀😁. This one no go catch me.. I relaxed my thing, and he was close now.
Then the yeye guy now opened his mouth and greeted him.  Ha😱😱😱, daddy answer greeting and pass na 😎, he no gree. He now turned and answered very well, then looked at my back that was turned to him and said,
'ify e gotego ihe mummy Ziri gi? '
(have you bought what your mum sent you)
Ha😱, I didn't know the Lord has opened my daddy's eyes at night o.
I just replied : yes sir, daddy good evening sir, I'm going now sir, and all the sirs kept flying out..
He then nodded and walked past.

I left the wucked toaster immediately, I RAN to the shop praying,, and begging God for forgiveness, so that he can save me this last time from the beating I will receive at home, by making my dad forget to tell mum.
you know that trick where you have to pull your eye lashes so your parents will forget something you did? 😏 😢
Oh I pulled everything jare, daddy must forget this incident forever 👏.

Then I ran back home, sneaked back to my room to change my clothes sharp sharp, then cornered to the parlor.
Me: mummy here, give me your phone let me help you (ezigbo Mmadu things o)
Mum: what kept you there since? You this girl, I will deal with you o. Mind yourself in this house, why didn't you buy here, Yadav Yaya zzzzzzz....... I wasn't listening...

Then dad came back, I stayed in my room, just listening attentively whether he will mention it.. I waited o till they were about going to bed, he didn't tell her anything!
Oh thank you Jesus 🙆 💁. You are too much baba😀😀. He has forgotten o. I prayed a Thanksgiving prayer and slept happily.
But alas, my happiness was short lived.

 He told her in bed! 😧😢😢😫

I woke up in the middle of the night looking up to a very fierce looking koboko and an angry looking mum. See sweat /tears 😅.
Please brothers and sisters in the Lord, you can imagine the rest...

Tough Love ☹️

Tough love.
--------------------
I passed out from the compulsory service a few weeks ago and my parents' calls since then have been 'Ifeyinwa bata wa zie nụ. Gịnị ka ika ná eme ébé ahụ?' and a host of them. Most of my friends and acquaintances are all asking the same thing, 'when are you going home?'
Like I don't understand. Is there anything like a job or activity aside my sewing, waiting for me at home? Or you all feel that because I'm a girl, I should run home after service, continue to say 'thank you ma, thank you sir' and not fend for myself?
The last I checked, 18 years is still the adult age in this country, and In saner climes I should have moved out of my parents house 7 years ago, but I can't try that here na. Going to the university and This service year was always a blessing and escape route for me, because that's my only acceptable reason to leave my house and live out for as long as required. It pains me because I can't remember my parents ever calling my elder brother like this to come back home, the highest they did was congratulate him and encourage him to come back when he gets the chance. And they remind him to 'cho wa ọrụ ọ'. Every single day now, my mum or dad calls in the mornings and evenings to ask me, 'Ifeyinwa, when are you coming back?' and each time, I tell them I have work to do here, they will grumble and complain and still call again, to ask me same thing. Ah ah. Na only me Don finish service?

I remember when I got posted here last year, I cried my eyes out and promised myself I won't stay an extra day here once I finish service. But months into the service year, reality hit me. I can't help it, this is Nigeria 🇳🇬. It's not about running back home to continue being dependent, it's about getting my footing in life, for me. To be able to make decisions, on what to eat, buy, pay bills, make budgets, send money home, and do things I feel like doing because I want to. Not because I was told to. This is the only period in my life I think I can have this level of space, as an adult, why can't I?
I know my parents love me, and yes they probably want me to come home and stay with them out of that love. But this is love, u might say its harmful to me. After a few days, the 'missing me fever' will wear off.

 Then what next??

Expectations hurt 😢😢

At the passing out parade at camp, I had high expectations. One of the reasons I stopped expecting so much from people, is because I hate disappointments so much. There's something it does to me.

Earlier,...
You see, my close friend in camp Pp, her elder brother was a senior to our camp commandant, so he instructed her to go meet the camp commandant and introduce herself as his sister.
Me :wow, see opportunity na, to get close to the officials and choose the best place of primary assignment.
Poor me and my high hopes 🙄😢.
We met him, greeted and she introduced herself, and yes by default and by force 😎me too. I started greeting this man unnecessarily, reminding him per say that 'it's me oo🤗, pps friend na, your seniors sisters friend ọ,' you had to remember abeg.
Then my lucky day came. He asked me a few days before we rounded up camp activities where I wanted to serve. That's my place of primary assignment.
Ah, I didn't hesitate to say government House. I already made enquiries about the other places that one can be posted here and didn't find any appealing. I obviously don't like teaching, it's not my strength at all, I just make efforts. And the other places, ministries, you will just spend transport going there everyday without doing nothing. Five days or four days a week. Ah no ọ. I'm not a medically inclined graduate na, so hospital Don Commot from my list 🤦‍♀️. So I thought, government house all the way. I can make impact there, work from the ICT room.
Haba , at all at all, Yobe no go too bad like that that their government house won't have ICT room na.
Besides, I should make contacts there, meet the politicians and their wives for my fashion business, you understand na 🤔. I was busy scheming plans, drawing map in my head. Kai.
And with the confidence I had in this our commandant, I just relaxed. At all at all na him bad pass.

The day for passing out parade came, time to distribute place of primary assignment letters. I was so confident, you needed to see my shoulders, my charisma in my khaki and boots na. The charisma of one going to the government house to serve. Cheiiii.
We stood in line, my number 29, very close sef. I almost snatched the letter from the official when I heard my name, as I immediately skimmed through looking for the place I was posted to.

Ooom, where is it na? Anxiety didn't allow me be great. It took me about 5 minutes to see it, at the top left corner of the paper.
A secondary school!
No!!! I cried. My heart broke 😭😭😭😭😭. And the tears started to flow immediately. I started to soil the papers with my tears, then I remembered who promised me that I was going to get my choice.
Blindly, I started to walk towards the podium, he was still standing there. I couldn't see or hear my friends asking me what the problem was, or the cab driver that has been standing beside me since, asking my location so he could take me.
He kept following me and talking, but the look I gave him when I raised my head eh, he didn't think twice before he stopped in his tracks and did a U-turn immediately.
The commandant saw me walking towards him in tears, and started to walk to me.

'what happened? Are you OK?'

I couldn't talk, just handed him the letter.
He looked at it, then looked at me, and felt so dejected himself.

'I'm sorry. Really sorry. They assured me it was going to be there too'. He tried to console me.
But me, I wasn't listening again, and there was nothing to be done except reject.

But In the end, everything works together for good to those that love God 🤗. My disappointment turned into a huge blessing.

My first alcohol experience

My long time secondary school mad friend was in town. I was so excited so I called up another friend and told her let's go visit okwybaby.. We got to our friend's house, and started gisting and laughing from the gate.. We got upstairs, seated and didn't even remember to take anything, the excitement was more than the tummy business. She remembered she hadn't served us anything more than 30 minutes later so she went to the fridge. Her brother only had alcohol in his apartment, and she didn't want to go downstairs to buy. She said the drink was sweet and tasted like palmwine..

'Ah ah, bring it na' . I cooed🤗

Babe brought one small bottle first and said we should try it, if we liked it she will bring the other one. I and my other friend Naz shared the first bottle, we liked it and asked for the second. By then our laughter was getting unnecessarily louder and we were just talking anyhow now 🙈🙈. Okwy was laughing, she had to go to the market so we hurried up with the drinks and start going.

'Haa babe, my eyes are turning me ọ' .
Naz said the same thing too.
We got to the road, my friend was just laughing at the way we were staggering, so she came back and had to cross us before she took the opposite direction. How we got home that day is a story on it's own 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️.

Please share your first alcohol experience let's have a good laugh.
Have a good week.

The 'bride price'

'Daddy how much is our village people bride price?' 😒 😒 I asked.
My mum's antenna ears stood up. She sat up well pretending to be watching TV, you know, Nigerian mother style😂. In her mind now I'm asking for my future husband or an intending one. 🙄🙄🙄
Dad was like,, 'errrmm, no fixed price ọ. But aga e de list(they will write list). Ọ dependiri on what the father wants to collect. Jụọ nụ ụmụ nne gị lu goro dị ego ole nna hà natara (ask your sisters that are married how much their dad collected)'.
Ok.

I stand to leave and he asks, 'why e ji ajụ?(why do you ask?)'
Daddy nothing. Just want to know. Besides I don't like it. Ụna ana ere zi anyị ere?(are you people selling us now) I told him.

He calls me back. 'Bịa ébé, nọrọ ala. (come back here, sit down).
Anyị adịghị ere ùnu, mana ọ omenala., (we are not selling you girls ọ, but it's the tradition). If you don't do it, the ụmụnna will fine the family'.

And I ask again, which ụmụnna? How much did they contribute to my upbringing to demand a price on my head? Abeg abeg this one no follow ọ. Only my immediate family and relatives have that right ọ.
By this time my mum couldn't pretend anymore.
'Bịa ify🤔, enwere onye na abịa nụ? 🤗🤗. (come ify, is there a suitor)'.
She smiles so sweetly.. I ignored her and continued with my dad.
Then she changed tactics.
Mba kwa ọ, ify, don't try it o. Don't ever say such when the time comes ọ. When you are in that room with the ụmụnnas and they are haggling price, better don't open your mouth ọ. I Know why I'm telling you this.
I give her the side eye😒😒😒.
My dad backs her, 'better listen to your mother. That's if you will be in the room sef when they are doing the back and forth. They might just call you finally to ask you some questions when they are done. So you might not be there. It didn't start with you, it's not going to end with you. Ọnwụ omenala adanne. (it's the tradition adanne)'.

I didn't have anything to say, I just knew I didn't like it. My mum still followed me to the room and continued asking. Nne tell me na 😂😂, onwere onye na abịa nụ? 😒 😒

Mummy free me jare. I get work. Oya go do your own.
And she hisses and gives me the side eye 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 before leaving the room.

Talking about it on social media doesn't change anything, because the real people that need to be addressed are not on the Internet, but in the villages, still making rules that benefit them.
Aside the knowledge and new findings one gets from sharing the experiences with this bride price thing, I don't see it's relevance on social media☹️. It's the sad reality.
For me, I'm indifferent about it. But I do hope it is abolished finally. I've read alot of posts on this topic, those for and against the scrapping of it, and I know I wished I could do something more to support my side aside writing about it.

Ps.. The picture below is so me. When I say I want a simple wedding, this is the very humble wedding I mean 🤗🤗☹️.

Little Beginnings... Teachers and crushes🤦‍♀️

I was going through Facebook when I saw this letter on

Stanley 's Wall. I could relate and my comment would have turned into a post so I decided to share mine here.

***********
When I first came here and was introduced to the class, they were all so excited so I assumed this wouldn't be as bad as I thought. I'm taking all the forms of SS1 class, and some of them already looked bigger than me.
I noticed this particular boy especially and I remember I even shared the experience here. He was always looking at me from his seat at the back, tried all of his possible tactics to get my attention. Either by standing up to ask silly questions while smiling (silly questions because he already knew the answer. If I tried to answer he always interjected to tell me so he was doing it on purpose), or he came to stand in front of me, like almost entering my mouth 🤦‍♀️, just to take excuse to borrow a pen. Or he came late, stands at the door for a while smiling to himself, then when I turn to notice him, he asks, 'Anty please can I enter?'.
This was one of the most obvious crush in one my classes.
Each time I was passing the corridor, some of them came to windows to whistle, or scream 'Anty Anty, kin nyi kyau sosai' or 'fine anty' or all the sorts. Most times they say it in Hausa, sometimes I wave them and pass, other times I don't bother.
Some were bold enough to even meet me, some followed me when I was going home to give me sweets or sachet water (between giving someone sachet water in these parts is like gold. The weather is freaking 🔥 hot), telling me Anty is fine ọ. When I refused they followed me till I got on a tricycle before they turned back dejectedly. I didn't know how to handle this type of attention, from children I was supposed to model and teach so I just ignored them most times, or kept a straight face😒😒.
If I as much as laughed in class because of something one of them said, they cheered on, laughed louder😩🙄🙄, even past when the joke was valid till I shouted for them to settle down again. These was my routine almost everyday.

The one that really bothered me, and still bothering me is the experience I had last term, with a girl this time.
I was leaving school early that day but I was in a hurry. My colleague asked me to wait for her so when I got to the gate, I was waiting and checking my wristwatch ⌚ anxiously. I didn't notice these set of girls murmuring, holding themselves childishly and walking round me. They obviously wanted to talk to me but didn't know how to phrase it.
As I was just turning to start walking towards the main road, one of them ran to me and said in a rush,
'Anty Anty wait, I love you Anty, you are beautiful, I want to be like you. Anty I like you very much'
Before she kissed me on my cheeks and ran off. What she did didn't register till I got on the keke that I stopped. My colleague was already ahead, and sitted.
I suddenly screamed, and the keke guy turned in the middle of the road, with my colleague too asking me what happened. I motioned the driver to continue that it was nothing, while I narrated what just registered in my brain to her. She laughed it off and said it was nothing.
But I was worried, one of many reasons being that I couldn't even recognise her face again if I saw her. And I wanted to see her again and talk to her.
The next day in school, I looked around, hoping I would notice that strange smile of someone that pecked her teacher, or something to make me remember her face. But nothing.

I have never felt so bad about not knowing how to speak Hausa fluently, till that day. I would have asked them in class codedly so she doesn't think I want to punish her, but I couldn't do that. And up till today, I've not seen her.
We've resumed again, and I have a new class now but it seems it's the same cycle repeating itself again.

I think at this age, all of the crushing hormones are overly active, and if not channeled or controlled properly these little ones might end up in the wrong hands. I know I used to crush on my biology teacher ☹️🤦‍♀️, so I made sure I learnt how to draw all those yeye amoebas and shapeless specimens. All to get his attention 😩😩☹️. But he shattered it when he wrote in my report booklet at the end of a session when he was our form master, that I was restless😩😩🙄. I was angry with him in my mind and my mum didn't even let me hear word, she insulted me forever because of that ☹️☹️, so my crush gradually faded.
Teachers are really trying, they deserve all the accolades biko.

I know I can't and don't really know to handle this if I was to be in this field long term.
More grace to all teachers...

Feedbacks... In business

Personally, I love feedbacks. Good or bad. There's something it does to me.
I do something for you, I want to get your feedback on it, I want to hear if you are happy with what you paid for. I'm a tailor by the way 😎. And I don't relent in doing the same.
I think that's why there's something called criticism. Constructive criticism. It's important for all kinds of businesses.  You might have an idea of what you want to achieve for a customer, then along the line it comes out different. Personally, I will keep fidgeting till the customer sees it and shows or gives feedback from their reaction.
I don't want to hear,' it's ok, I can manage it, '
Or, its not that bad o😢😢.
It does something to my spirit, so tell me the truth as it is. If it means going back to start all over again, at my own cost of course, I wouldn't mind. But I want to be sure that you love the goods/services rendered to you.

Let's hear your thoughts please...

Bad habits...

I have this bad habit. Very bad. I  fondle with the edge of clothes and suck my tongue at the same time.
 It's very bad 😢😢.

When I was younger, as far back as I can remember, I used to sit at my mums leg, so I can fondle with the edge of her wrapper. Most times I do that till I sleep off and she allows me, other times she slaps the hell out of me to leave her cloth, then I cry and sleep off. As I was growing she tried different means to stop it, the usual Nigerian mother's style na, beating. But the beating stopped only the sucking, while I still fondle with clothes. Anyone who knows me closely will notice that the edges of my clothes are always rumpled, be it jeans, Ankara, cotton, chiffon. Any kind of material at all, as long as it has a thick edge, it will suffer in my hands😢😢☹️.  I do it when I'm agitated, anxious, sad, shy, or absentminded. If I'm close to someone, I tend to get closer so that

while we are talking I'm fondling with your clothes. Till you notice and slap my hands off.
My friends here chase me away from them now when we are gisting or sitting together, because their cloth go suffer 😢😢😐. I don't know how to stop it. It's becoming embarrassing walahi. Sometimes while sewing sef I pause, and start to fondle the clothes forgetting myself for minutes before I get myself again.. My case is bad ọ. Help! 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️

Otú keee? Otu keee? 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️🙊🙊
That's Korean for 'what do i do?'